"Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you."
                                                     ~Nicholas Evans

 

Breathe.  Breathing. Just trying to take a breath.  Breathing should be automatic, so it comes as a surprise to me that I have had to remind myself to breathe today.

We lost our baby girl last night.  Mackenzie Faith Gregg was deemed “unadoptable” by Chinese adoption officials.  Her medical record will now show she has acute cerebral palsy and is also severely mentally retarded.  This combination has resulted in our inability to bring our daughter home.  We had no say in it.  They just made the decision and passed their judgment.

My family is in a state of relentless grief that rolls across each person like a wave, dragging them under, and then releasing them long enough to catch their breath, before being pulled under again.  I can’t stop crying.  Carter has turned inward.  Codi has found solace in sleep.  Sam is leaning heavily on her friends.  Thank God for Taylor and Katie!  John needs to stay “busy” and keeps disappearing.  We haven’t told Maddie yet…….

All of our friends and family have been so supportive and wonderful the past five months since we started on this journey to bring Kenzie home, so I wanted you all to know what is happening. 

Please say a prayer for our baby in China who will never know a mommy and daddy or play with brothers and sisters.  Pray someone there holds her and loves her and she never suffers.

Thank you for your love and understanding during this sad and disappointing time.  We all just need some time to BREATHE.

Love,

Marlo